Middle school students do. And middle school students are remarkably impressionable. However, if our only response to this blog is outrage like the comment that Seventeen gave cyber-stalkers a gift-wrapped presentwe miss the point — and some important opportunities. The reality of the world our children are growing up in is that they are going to meet people online.
Posted April 23, Reviewed by Ekua Hagan.
Romantic relationships play a huge part in our physical, social, and emotional well-being. Not surprisingly then, most of us seek to find a romantic relationship in which we can be happy.
However, should we resort to online dating for the purpose of this? Here are seven reasons why maybe we shouldn't. Internet dating sites offer us a vast array of potential date choices. Furthermore, we up to several sites at the same time, then the choice increases.
3 reasons why online dating is bad
The luxury of this may initially seem appealing, but in reality, when faced with making decisions about which item to choose from a largewe are more prone to make erroneous decisions. This is because we invoke different and sometimes less cognitively taxing decision-making strategies when choosing from a large array as with online dating than when we choose on a one-to-one basis in real life.
The consequences are that we may end up making the wrong choice. Our decisions are also affected by the way in which choices are presented to us, and in online dating, choices are certainly presented differently from how they would be presented in real life. In face-to-face interactions, we form impressions of others based on their general demeanour and other more subtle behavioural characteristics.
The more information with which we are presented, the easier it becomes to form impressions of others. However, dating profiles present us with only fairly superficial information about our potential matches, which means that we are not seeing or being presented with the person as a whole.
Consequently, the information which we glean from an online profile gives us very little to go on in determining how someone may actually behave in real life. Despite the old maxim that opposites attract, the research evidence suggests otherwise, and we are more likely to become attracted to people who are similar to ourselves. If this is the case, it would seem a good idea to use a dating site that catered to our specific interests and demographic group for instance, there are now sites catering for very specific groups, Amishdatingservice.
Some online dating sites go even further and purport to connect people by getting their users to complete batteries of psychometric tests with the objective of matching them on the characteristics where they may be compatible. However, there is little if any real evidence that such matching formula actually works in practice.
Therefore, the best we can hope for is to be matched in terms of our interests. There is now abundant evidence that people quite happily and readily misrepresent how they advertise themselves on online dating sites. For example, Witty and Carr noted that people misrepresent characteristics such as their appearance, age, weight, socioeconomic status, and interests. It was also reported that a staggering It has also been noted that males tend to over-report their height in online dating, and consistently suggest that they are taller than they really are.
More seriously, in addition to misrepresenting the truth in online dating, criminals actually set up spoof profiles with the intention of preying on and extracting money from vulnerable people who use online dating. Before meeting face-to-face, we may engage in a period of online chat. Walster suggested that online communication can be hyperpersonal, meaning that we are more likely to disclose information about ourselves, and do so more quickly online. Research has consistently shown that we like people more the more they disclose to us, and similarly, we are more likely to like those to whom we disclose.
Because we disclose more and have others disclose more to us in an online environment, this can lead to more of an illusion of liking someone more than can realistically be the case. The consequence of this is that our expectations are raised before a face-to-face meeting, where in reality we may end up being disappointed.
People use online dating sites for one reason, which is to meet others. So, we must have some expectation or hope that this will indeed be the case, and furthermore especially if we are paying for the service that will be immediate. For example, Mitchell suggested that internet daters spend an average of 22 minutes each time they visit an online dating site, while Frost, Chance, Norton, and Ariely noted that those who used online dating spent 12 hours per week on this.
Given all of this, if are not forthcoming, then it is possible that users may give up and stop using the site. There is also the question of a kind of "site shelf-life. It is quite likely that many of your matches on a dating site may be geographically distant. Attraction research has repeatedly shown that proximity is a strong predictor of a sustainable relationship, therefore geographically distant relationships may be rather more difficult to sustain unless one person is prepared to move. Baker reported that those people who went on to form long-lasting and sustainable relationships with others after meeting online were those who were prepared to compromise and possibly move house or job, presumably suggesting that those who weren't willing to do this did not end up with more permanent relationships.
This finding presents a big question for the effectiveness of online dating. It may be argued that online dating companies really don't want us to meet our soulmates; they would rather us keep coming back again and again to use their sites and this way they make more money.
Dangerous liaisons: is everyone doing it online?
Having said all of that, online dating sites may be beneficial for some good reasons. For example, there are some individuals who may not otherwise have found partners had it not been for the services of the online dating industry older individuals, those with mobility problems, and those who may be socially phobic. Baker, A. Clues from couples who met in cyberspace. Cyberpsychology and Behaviour, 5 4 Cohen, S. Types of stressors that ncrease susceptibilityto the common cold in healthy adults.
Why is internet dating an idea that is bad
Health Psychology,17, — Frost, J. People are experience goods: Improving online dating with virtual dates. Journal of Interactive Marketing, 22, 51— Kiecolt-Glaser, J. Hostile marital interactions, proinflammatory cytokine production, and wound healing. Archives of General Psychiatry, 62, — Mitchell, R. Online dating: Analyzing the algorithms of attraction. Walster, J. Human Communication Research, 23, Whitty, M. Cyberspace romance: The psychology of online relationships. Basingstoke: Palgrave Macmillan. Martin Graff, Ph. Worry is driven by mood, not logic.
Anxiety holds your deepest yearnings.
And you can subdue it for good. Three experts turn everything you know about anxiety inside out. Martin Graff Ph. Love, Digitally. References Baker, A. About the Author. Online: My WebsiteTwitter. Read Next. Back Psychology Today. Back Find a Therapist. Back Get Help.
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