Posted April 27, by ginamussio under ItalyUncategorized. When I first arrived in Italy I was wide-eyed, easily excited, and plastered with a big smile. I was bold, dazzled by the smallest things and ready to try anything new that came my way — much like I still am today.
June 12th was my one year wedding anniversary with my Italiano. Since we work for ourselveswe decided to substitute a Sunday for the Wednesday and take the day to go up to the mountains where we got married. The reason I thought I should write a post reflecting on this past year married to an Italian man is because I have noticed a somewhat telling trend in the search terms that bring people to my site….
These are all actual search terms that lead people to my site on a frequent basis, and I think they pretty accurately reflect an unfortunate fear of many women regarding the notorious Latin Lover… and maybe his mamma too. In my vast one year of experience but 6 years together, with 5 of them in ItalyI shall try to address and debunk some common myths about marrying an Italiano, with a concerted effort to artfully sidestep the stereotypes and generalizations that sometimes get me in trouble. It has served me well. Thanks, Dad. What I mean to say is that a man who habitually cheats on his partner or spouse can be from any nationality, religion, or background… and usually is.
Italian men have, indeed, worked up a little reputation for themselves over the years. Drawing from my own experience, I have been told several times by several Italian women that I am lucky in that my husband is clearly a loyal man.
So, you see, they do exist… even in Italy. Although, it may or may not worry you that people feel the need to point that out to me… as though it is an anomaly. Watch for head turns and pupil expansion. You just have to make sure you get a partner who is willing to try it the new way without waxing poetic about the values of traditional toilet paper.
Then you have to convert his friends and family, which is much more difficult.
How to marry an italian
When my husband then boyfriend and I started up our businessI was all too aware of the inequality in our situation. That was my initial response. Then around year 3, when I hit the lowest of my expat depression, it had a different effect. No one expected anything of me, so I stopped expecting anything of myself. This is a no good place to be. To wrap up the gender role discussion… yes, there are very strong gender roles here in Italy. The plus side is that within the framework of these gender roles, the woman is an EXTREMELY important and powerful role … and one that is changing rapidly with a new generation of independent and hetrong, young Italian women.
The plethora of mother-in-law stories exchanged between Italian women on a daily basis is shocking… shocking. I am blessed with an incredibly sweet, not at all intrusive, and open-minded suocera … a fact which my Italian girlfriends bitterly point out every time I start to whine about living across the street from her.
I look forward to raising bilingual bambini and allowing them to learn the best of both of our cultures. I married an Italian man more than 40 years ago. He was loyal and his parents had died before I met him he had an evil sister.
I am pretty sure that marrying an italian woman is different from a man. The women seem more easy going than American ones. Hmmm… are you speaking from experience there? I have heard the controlling thing a lot as a generalized complaint about Italian men. I love how the mamma stereotype is so strong.
I find it total BS. My husband is not into the mamma thing and so many of our Italian friends treat their mom like my American brothers treat my mom. I like how you explained that and glad that you got a nice suocera! The Italian culture fascinates me, but many things we say are very italian are also very typical for a man, not just Italian men. This is a massive generalization mind you. Sounds like the problem is the moms who were once young women, hence the problem may be some of the women.
What do you think? Tiana, thanks for your comment! I think Italy is in this strange and fascinating moment or perhaps a bit longer than a moment… era? There are massive differences between the countryside and the city, massive differences between the generations, and massive differences between those who have returned to Italy after time abroad and those who have stayed. Where I am, I consider myself quite lucky, as most men in this small town tend to be a bit on the stereotypically traditional side my female friends will back me up on that.
On the other hand, I would agree that a lot of the mom-to-son dynamic is powered by the mamma, not the son. And I see that phenomenon butting he frequently with the mindset of young, Italian women, who are not happy in the traditional role anymore. There were interviews about mammoni and the men seemed to loooove their mamma!
I agree… every culture is morphing, I just get annoyed when city living expats act like their Italian man represents all and that they forget that they are also dating a man not a puppy or not just an Italian. I am sure things are waaaay different where you live. I have friends with Italian fathers and whoa… it is a different generation.
I love reading this hahaha.
We are filipino by the way and my aunt married American guy. We decided to just enjoy the moments and see if things will blossom to a more beautiful relationship. If things will be good between us then maybe we can push it :. He is somewhat different from the description I read from other site. He is independent and live on his own.
Big city texan girl meets small town italian boy. chaos ensues.
He also wash his own clothes, cook for himself and take care two cats :p hehehe. Though he visits his family as much as he can if his work near them. He is sweet but not the kind of sweetness described in other site where a guy talks a lot hahaha. He is from Puglia and is a bit of controling, very jelous and has blocked all my male friends! Thank You for interesting blog! Yeah, the jealousy thing is cute for like 3 seconds, then it gets ridiculous.
Laws and regulations on italian citizenship by marriage/civil union
Good luck with the Baby Fever! Your blog is so entertaining. You leave nothing to the imagination…. I love it! I am awaiting my passport right now. I want to stay for a long period but am having a hard time with the Visa aspect.
I may have to resort to knowing somebody who knows somebody! Thanks, Kim! Wow, Palermo, eh? Right in the thick of it, there!
Italians, increasingly, look abroad to find mates - europe - international herald tribune
My guess is the permesso is causing problems? I hope to complete my studies at university in country that respects human rights Like Europe Arab countries that do not respect the human being and there is no democracy Escaped from the Syrian war. I want to get asylum the situation in Syria is very bad Or here in Dubai, the law difficult to get a job all the Arab countries does not have anything of democracy For this I am looking for stability I am 20 years old Without study Without marriage Unemployed Without money How to be a future for me Is Help Thank you I have a on Facebook Nabil Aowad I I welcome all friends add-on.
Last Feb we get into relationship after 6 months of chatting, he was too different from other foreign man i met online. Your blog catches my attention and interests to read it…. I was really lucky — mine is great. A word of advice — be extremely direct and talk out the things that may seem uncomfortable.
He never mentioned his mamma, just his dad. He mentioned me like he wants me to be his wife and be a father to my 2 years old daughter. He would call me and we go out.